R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
