Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
