# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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