There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
