dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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