If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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