when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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