im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's when you crack a 10am beer
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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