Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
