We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In America we eat man semen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
