We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
