I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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