i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
