I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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