The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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