the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
