fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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