First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have tasted many bathrooms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
