my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
