Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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