Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
