Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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