My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
