Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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