I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
