From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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