I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
