We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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