Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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