And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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