I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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