I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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