Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
