how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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