We're facebook friends in real life
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
