I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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