Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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