Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
