You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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