are you so shy because you have an std?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
