Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
