Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Boobs are out for the taking
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
