considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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