My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
