I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead