Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
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I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.