I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts