He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.