Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.