Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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