If i come over, it means nothing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
