i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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