Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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