im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
