a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
