Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
