I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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