So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
