What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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