so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
