well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
