I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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