Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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