As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So squirting runs in the family.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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