If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
